Just a Point: Guruji's Poem of One Life

Guruji's poem, word for word

Just a point, not to be seen or known? o I o ; No, also a mirror showing me to myself.
I am that ; What I see is myself, an image of me.

Curious. Who is that? Is it me?
Afraid. Is it dangerous to me?

I seek that; Desire is born, to be rid of fear
about my unknown other self.

I was my father and that was my mother.
aaahh-hhaaa! ; We became one with passion. What a release!
My first out-of-the-body ejaculation!

I am the sperm seeking egg.
Also the egg waiting to receive it.

Breath. Center ; I start breathing through the navel.
How long? For ever? ; Latent experience of time
Can’t say for how long

Floating. Hear sounds. ; Inside mother’s tummy, senses forming

Can’t breathe ; Birth process.
Some unkind force cut my breath.
I cry. Fluid gushed out.
I take my first breath.

An inspiration! My second pleasure!

Again I felt empty and sought eagerly for I don’t know what.
Something poked into mouth. I sucked. Nectar poured into me
from my mother. And milk, the juice of life. I was never so happy.
I felt; I could drink milk for ever.

Alas, that was not to be. Milk ran out. Sucked and sucked, no juice came out.
I get angry; I bit. Mother beat me. She would feed me something I don’t like.
Then she cuddles me, which I like, and tells me stories, I like them more than food.
Slowly, I began to like that food too.

Slowly I understand that I and my mother are not one anymore.
I recognize my father, but not as myself.
Now, more misery than happiness.

I thought: I have three mothers and a father.
The mother that gave birth to me,
that fed me,
that told stories and sang for me.

I liked my father. He gives me presents, and takes me for rides.
Mother always works.

I don’t like my father to shout at Her, or Her crying.
I tell her, it will be alright.
A day will come when he won’t be angry with you for each and everything.
A day will come when misery ends for everyone.
When father and mother are one again.

I did not know how it will happen, but I know it will.

Then I grow big. And years pass.
Learning. Few times getting what I want.
Then I was asking, why did I want it?

Many times not getting what I wanted.
At such times I asked; why was I born?
To suffer misery all the time?

Why are the bad people happy and good ones unhappy?
Is there a God?
How could abundant Nature be so cruel too?

I never got the right answers.
Until I met Her.

She wore male clothes. But was female inside, alright. She was called Venkaṭī Īśvara, meaning She was the Lord in the olden days. Now She is called Bālājī, or Venkateśvara.

What a thrill went through my body when I met Her! I longed for Her. She did not fail me. She came to me. And taught me many things. Like how to read new books with closed eyes. How to walk on rainbows. Like how to make lotuses bloom and put fragrance.

She kept company with me for twelve years. She told me, you see, we are all one. Pleasure is sacred. Cruelty is sin. I don't understand why cruelty can be shown publicly in media, but not pleasurable sex which is sacred. I don't like cruelty. I love life. I like you all to enjoy life openly. Yes, this is what She told me in so many beautiful ways.

I forgot to tell you. She also told me She is ready to teach all who open up to Her.

A life of enjoyment. Life is enjoyment, a commitment to joy. Life is a holiday. To make the holiday more enjoyable, you work sometimes. Why hide your joy and wear the masks of misery? Except you humans, the whole of life is enjoying openly.

Work is also pleasure. Pleasure of receiving, and pleasure of giving. Entertainment is an industry too. Love is the child of pleasure. The God of love is the son of pleasure.

I closed my eyes and saw. It was true. The kingdom of Goddess is inside me. I made an offering of thanks to Her. I built a temple for Goddesses as She directed me. Thousands will remove their masks every day and enjoy fun. There is a place for fun as in the golden days of tantric Khajurāho.

I did my job. I thought there was more to do. But She put the doubt in me. Do you have to do it? Give somebody else a chance.

I am waiting for you. People will never leave you in peace. Die to the world, so that you don't have to do anything anymore. You be with me always. Because I love you.

Let them worship you as me. Does it make a difference by what name you are called? God of the Seven Hills or Goddess of the Seven Seas? Is there a high and low, up and down, left and right, life and death? Only the dream play of time.

Wake up, from waking state! Enter me, I can't wait any longer.

I close my eyes. So I can be with Her always. Do nothing. This is the point of no return. It is a one-way street. I forgot how to talk or sign. Will someone do it for me, please?

From the teachings of Sri Amritananda Natha Saraswati (Guruji). Original post: "Just a point", 7 November 2016, https://amritananda-natha-saraswati.blogspot.com/2016/04/just-point.html. Posted on Guruji's blog by Vira Chandra.